One of the many family proverbs passed down to me by my wise mother was to “be a giver of good gifts”, and it’s a life lesson I’ve carried close to my heart and share often with my own children. But what makes a gift a GOOD gift? Well, it starts with the giver.
A gift must be intentional, not material. Therefore, the giver must first sit and think about the person for whom the gift is for. What does this person value? What do they love? What are the areas of need in their life? Are they a mother who puts themselves last? Are they a young boy who is always accepting hand-me-downs? Do they value possessions over experience? Do they want quality time? What seems to be their love language?
The giver must also learn to LISTEN to those around them. A good gift is a THOUGHTFUL gift, and thoughtfulness is an expression of love built into the entire relationship…If you have been paying attention, you will have small notions here and there of gifts or gestures that might delight the recipient! Write those down.
For example, I once went for a walk with a friend through an art market. I had picked up and admired two pairs of handmade earrings, I deliberated long, and bought one. After my friend walked me home, she walked all the way back to the art market and bought the pair I’d left behind and a card. In the card she wrote: “you deserve ALL of the beautiful things” and put the earrings inside the envelope and left it in my mailbox. IMAGINE my delight later that day when I checked the mail. I felt loved. It was a good gift.
Sometimes a good gift can be so practical it’s right under our nose (a sturdy pair of hiking shoes for the friend who always wants to join us on the trails but doesn’t have the proper footwear). A good gift can be a carload of groceries for new parents, and cooking a meal while you visit! A good gift can also be unexpected and surprising, like a father taking his young daughter to see a ballet because he notices she has a love for dance (note: mom should not be the one arranging this). A gift can be a gesture, and doesn’t need a special occasion (perhaps last week your friend mentioned they’re interested in learning Italian…what a delight that you show up with a book on Tuscany the next week when you meet for coffee!)
Gift-giving can be unspoken. Expressions of love within a family look like providing for each other’s basic needs: picking up new socks and underwear when they’re things are looking tattered, laying them neatly in the drawer to soothe an early bird and bring a little light their way, to make them feel cared for as they start the day.
Sometimes the best gifts are our words: writing letters and cards to our loved ones and really expressing how beautiful they are to us, how they’ve impacted our lives, how they inspire us…those are the presents that heal and connect.
And finally, my mother taught me to never go anywhere empty handed. Don’t ask your hostess what you can bring, she will often say “just yourself!”…instead use your intuition. A carefully selected flower arrangement that YOU put together with the florist (don’t be shy, share why these flowers made you think of them…after all, that’s how the Victorian’s used flowers! They’re full of symbolism) or take a fine bottle of wine, some cheese, a large bag of local cherries, tomatoes from you garden, jars of jam you made recently, or a lovely loaf you baked that she can use for breakfast in the morning.
Give the gift of effort and attention: wherever you go, offer your hands! A church event? How can I help! A dinner? I’ll dry the dishes! Visiting a friend who’s just had a baby? Fold the laundry! Take her toddler to the park for an hour! All of these things are gifts, beautiful gifts.
Give freely. Give smiles to seniors. Pay for a single mother’s groceries. Buy hot chocolates for the gaggle of girls at the skating rink. Send a dessert to the couple at the next table who are celebrating. Give compliments (mean them, and dedicate them with enthusiasm). Pick a bouquet of wildflowers on a walk and hand it to your local fruit merchant. Be a gift to the world.
Above all, a gift should come from your heart. It should express your immense gratitude to participate in the life of the recipient. It should be warm. You should pour the love and appreciation you have for that person into the giving of that gift: spend cheerfully (or, if you don’t have the money, make! make cheerfully, share of your time!) and expect nothing in return. After all, the act of giving and how it redirects your soul to what is TRULY important is the gift you give yourself.
If you pour your love into the world, I promise your cup will never be empty. You will always find something to be grateful for.
The Offline Mind 
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