The Offline Mind

You may take me hereafter for a cynic, but my favourite thing about a friend is when they go away.

I’m so tired, so tired of sitting in coffee shops and asking about your day, your boss, your kid, your mom, your wife. You took a trip, you were promoted, or fired, you’re on a diet, it’s not working, you look great! New coat? New hair? New lease on life? You’re getting married. Divorced. So good to catch up, let’s do it again soon! Soon! Yes, soon! Don’t wait so long. Don’t be a stranger. Say hi to someone for me. I’ll keep them in my prayers.

For every friend that’s drifted, I’ve gotten back a little piece of myself. More time, certainly, but that’s not all. I’ve gotten back the emotional energy it takes to pretend I care. Listen, we are two tv shows being shot in nearby studios. The plots don’t connect, the cameos feel forced, and honestly? Your writers kinda suck.

I would rather drink a coffee alone, in my kitchen, with my cat asleep on the table. I would rather talk to myself in my sleep. I would rather have things happen that are new and exciting and enjoy them selfishly, kept to myself, in peace. It’s MY news, after all, that mom’s dead or I’m pregnant. Don’t get me started on friends who love bad news. The world is full of people who want you to let them know if there’s anything they can do to help. Let me know! Don’t be a stranger!

And yet look at us, old friend. After all the opportunities you muttered those words, we are FINALLY strangers. We did it! Thanks to time we’ll only get stranger and stranger! I’ll go gray, you’ll punch a hole in the wall at some party, I’ll move North, you’ll change your name. Someone we both know will go to jail and I won’t have to talk to you about it!

My phone is quiet. I never feel guilty about breaking off plans. I don’t have to give anyone advice, or receive advice I didn’t ask for. My evenings are filled with my own thoughts and interests. I don’t have to donate money to this person’s run for cancer, or that person’s Go Fund Me. I don’t have to buy your homemade candles, cookies, whatever. I don’t have to demonstrate my fealty on Instagram (yes Queen!) and no one is asking me to “show up” for baby showers, weddings, or birthday parties.

This is growing older. This is my truth. My favourite thing about every friend I’ve ever had is when they slowly disappear from my life, and in their place I rediscover peace, time, and silence.